Rarely am I at a loss for words. And yet, every time I feel the urge to sit and write about my love for my husband of 13 years, I find that words fall short of all I want to express about him and what we share.
In February, we were celebrated our wedding anniversary. In May, we will have been "together" for 18 years since we started dating in 1991. We are so mindful that time with our kids has flown by, but the same is true of our relationship. We met when we were kids, especially David since he is nearly three years younger than me. We've grown and grown up together. There's no doubt that I am comfortable and "used to" life with David. But more than that... more than the comfort and ease I feel with him... more than the familiar way he loves me or the stability that comes with sharing almost two decades of life together... more so than any of these things, I still LOVE David with an exciting, passionate, hard-to-describe kind of love.
When I know the work day is almost over for him, I get excited. When he's gone for a bit and I hear the garage door opening, I usually rush to the door or at least ready myself for his entrance. And when he is putting our boys to sleep for the night, I count the minutes until I have him all to myself. In this way, I can tell you how I love my husband, though I dare not even try to begin to explain the connection I believe I have with him. The eternal, life-long, soul mate, warm-n-fuzzy love and LIKE that I have for this man after all these years. Once again, I find that words fail me.
Instead, I'll finish. He's actually gone right now. After our oldest son's piano lesson, he went out to meet a co-worker who happens to be in our neck of the woods. I'm never as youthful and beautiful for him as I wish I could be, but I still try and be someone he is happy to come home to whenever he walks through our door.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
seven years of motherhood
My son's various birthday celebrations are finished for this year. He turned 7 this month and we had traditional cake, cupcake cake and cookie cake. We bowled, had dinner at a Japanese steakhouse, traveled to Waco and sang to him at least three times!
I still don't see my kids as spoiled rotten. My sons know they are loved, they are celebrated for their accomplishments and loved for just BEING. Their birthdays come along once a year... one day out of 365 gets to be THEIR day. It has been so fun to see them grow from babies to toddlers to little boys. It has been my life's greatest honor to be their mother.
Just this past year or so, it clicked that I should embrace all there is to being a mom. The unconditional love, the challenge to be all I need to be all the time, the gift of unlimited hugs and kisses, the power within myself to heal a boo-boo, the priceless calling to pour love, life and grace into the lives of my sons... these pieces make up the beautiful puzzle that is my life. I couldn't ask for a more wonderful opportunity than to be Mother.
I still don't see my kids as spoiled rotten. My sons know they are loved, they are celebrated for their accomplishments and loved for just BEING. Their birthdays come along once a year... one day out of 365 gets to be THEIR day. It has been so fun to see them grow from babies to toddlers to little boys. It has been my life's greatest honor to be their mother.
Just this past year or so, it clicked that I should embrace all there is to being a mom. The unconditional love, the challenge to be all I need to be all the time, the gift of unlimited hugs and kisses, the power within myself to heal a boo-boo, the priceless calling to pour love, life and grace into the lives of my sons... these pieces make up the beautiful puzzle that is my life. I couldn't ask for a more wonderful opportunity than to be Mother.
Friday, March 27, 2009
friday night plights
The way I view Friday nights has definitely changed over the years. David and I enjoy the boys and rarely seek a night out, even on this most fun of weeknights! But that doesn't mean I don't want to on occasion. Then I find myself realizing the fun would be short lived, any over indulgence could lead to discomfort (who wants random discomfort?), and I'm actually more tired than I realized after a busy week as Mom.
Here's how some of my fantasies come crashing to an end:
* In my newly fit body, I storm downtown Austin turning heads and getting hit on like crazy... mostly by younger guys who fit into that category of the rare athlete-genius hybrid. Anyway, I politely decline while pointing out the obviously superior gentleman on my arm. "Hello!" But then one of these Ken dolls gets perturbed (he's never been turned down!), makes a catty remark, gets David mad and after a ridiculous amount of threats from the other guy, my husband punches him and goes to jail and that's how THAT goes...
* Fresh from dinner at the new steak and seafood place downtown, David and I make our way to a movie. I (in my newly fit body) turn down popcorn but decide to splurge on some Milk Duds. Well, it's not long before the Milk Duds are playing tricks on my stomach and I end up missing a lot of the movie thanks to frequent trips to the restroom. Yuck!
* Somewhat bored with my newly fit body, I decide to experiment with drugs, end up with the munchies, demand Whataburger and then either David goes to jail for wacky driving or the double with cheese and bacon gives me the runs or all that Coke sends me to the ER with kidney pain. Either way, it doesn't end well.
Then I blink and I'm back to reality. I turn on recorded episodes of Oprah, curl up with my favorite guy, have some laughs and priceless conversation, and fall asleep whenever I want. And that actually doesn't sound too bad after all!
Here's how some of my fantasies come crashing to an end:
* In my newly fit body, I storm downtown Austin turning heads and getting hit on like crazy... mostly by younger guys who fit into that category of the rare athlete-genius hybrid. Anyway, I politely decline while pointing out the obviously superior gentleman on my arm. "Hello!" But then one of these Ken dolls gets perturbed (he's never been turned down!), makes a catty remark, gets David mad and after a ridiculous amount of threats from the other guy, my husband punches him and goes to jail and that's how THAT goes...
* Fresh from dinner at the new steak and seafood place downtown, David and I make our way to a movie. I (in my newly fit body) turn down popcorn but decide to splurge on some Milk Duds. Well, it's not long before the Milk Duds are playing tricks on my stomach and I end up missing a lot of the movie thanks to frequent trips to the restroom. Yuck!
* Somewhat bored with my newly fit body, I decide to experiment with drugs, end up with the munchies, demand Whataburger and then either David goes to jail for wacky driving or the double with cheese and bacon gives me the runs or all that Coke sends me to the ER with kidney pain. Either way, it doesn't end well.
Then I blink and I'm back to reality. I turn on recorded episodes of Oprah, curl up with my favorite guy, have some laughs and priceless conversation, and fall asleep whenever I want. And that actually doesn't sound too bad after all!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
what's the deal with _________________?
hard-to-pronounce last names I've never heard of before now?
people who still act weird/fake/uncomfortable/whatever even though you've known them for years and have had lots of close moments together?
the super-fit types who end up walking and sounding and acting like robots?
Oprah and all her undercover controversial topics? (And I like Oprah, by the way.)
people -- grown people -- not saying "thank you" for the little AND big things?
my weight? ugh!
dealing with thoughts and feelings and attitudes that I've not seen the likes of since high school?
people who baby their adult children?
kids insisting on being difficult?
people lying to your face?
people who still act weird/fake/uncomfortable/whatever even though you've known them for years and have had lots of close moments together?
the super-fit types who end up walking and sounding and acting like robots?
Oprah and all her undercover controversial topics? (And I like Oprah, by the way.)
people -- grown people -- not saying "thank you" for the little AND big things?
my weight? ugh!
dealing with thoughts and feelings and attitudes that I've not seen the likes of since high school?
people who baby their adult children?
kids insisting on being difficult?
people lying to your face?
in five months...
It just hit me (like a "insert something forceful here") that in about five months, both of my sons will be in school full-time. This is more scary and overwhelming than it is exciting. Why? Because instantly I feel the pressure to be better at so many things because, let's face it, I'll have a LOT more flexibility with how to spend my time. Here are some items that are quickly rising to the top as MUST-DOs for when this unchartered territory presents itself:
* Work out faithfully and more intensely every single day. I feel I owe this to myself and my family and that when my days are no longer spent between Dylan at home and David at school, I'll have no reason not to get in the best shape of my life. YIKES!
* Get uber-organized. I already thrive in the neat and orderly side of life, but I imagine every inch of my house shiny, clutter-free and always in order. It's like a kid anticipating CHRISTMAS morning!
* Be an even better volunteer and make my presence known at my kids' school. I do this some already, and I love it. I don't feel like I need the validation for myself as much as I LIKE to keep things running smoothly, I like to help when it's needed AND I like knowing that I can be a familiar face where my kids spend many hours of their lives.
* Scrapbook and get the boys' photos, artwork, awards, etc. better organized. This always sounds funner than it actually is. Hmm...
* Try a new hobby. Atop my list are: tennis (lots of good tennis out here), golf (ditto), sailing, gardening, researching how to grow taller as an adult, figuring out how to take on new hobbies and NOT sound so, well, old. I'd also like to summit more mountain tops and so this would definitely require some commitment to hiking around here. Glad they call it the Hill Country!
Whatever will I do? I'll miss my kids, cry a bit, run around catching up on laundry, bills, closet updates, twitter, home movie labeling and basic cleaning. Maybe by Christmas I'll be ready to get in shape. Yes, just in time for the new year!!!
* Work out faithfully and more intensely every single day. I feel I owe this to myself and my family and that when my days are no longer spent between Dylan at home and David at school, I'll have no reason not to get in the best shape of my life. YIKES!
* Get uber-organized. I already thrive in the neat and orderly side of life, but I imagine every inch of my house shiny, clutter-free and always in order. It's like a kid anticipating CHRISTMAS morning!
* Be an even better volunteer and make my presence known at my kids' school. I do this some already, and I love it. I don't feel like I need the validation for myself as much as I LIKE to keep things running smoothly, I like to help when it's needed AND I like knowing that I can be a familiar face where my kids spend many hours of their lives.
* Scrapbook and get the boys' photos, artwork, awards, etc. better organized. This always sounds funner than it actually is. Hmm...
* Try a new hobby. Atop my list are: tennis (lots of good tennis out here), golf (ditto), sailing, gardening, researching how to grow taller as an adult, figuring out how to take on new hobbies and NOT sound so, well, old. I'd also like to summit more mountain tops and so this would definitely require some commitment to hiking around here. Glad they call it the Hill Country!
Whatever will I do? I'll miss my kids, cry a bit, run around catching up on laundry, bills, closet updates, twitter, home movie labeling and basic cleaning. Maybe by Christmas I'll be ready to get in shape. Yes, just in time for the new year!!!
cnbc
My husband is working from home full-time now. We love it! He isn't wasting time on a long commute, he gets to be as involved as he wants to be with the kids' activities, and it's just nice to have him here with us as much as possible.
The biggest negative amid all of this? Well, my laptop is now stationed atop the big desk in our home office (which is where he works), but so is the TV, which is always on CNBC. And these people are just a little bit ridiculous! See if you can stand them for long on any given day, but particularly while the main US markets are open (that's 8:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. our time).
I'd say that thus far my blogs aren't exactly profound or earth-shattering. But these are my thoughts nonetheless.
The biggest negative amid all of this? Well, my laptop is now stationed atop the big desk in our home office (which is where he works), but so is the TV, which is always on CNBC. And these people are just a little bit ridiculous! See if you can stand them for long on any given day, but particularly while the main US markets are open (that's 8:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. our time).
I'd say that thus far my blogs aren't exactly profound or earth-shattering. But these are my thoughts nonetheless.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
like a new lover
Oh sure, the excitement's there now, right? I've just created my neat and orderly little place in the world where I can sit and write and write and ponder and dream of... whatever. But will my days come and go, or will I commit? For writing is as breathing. And when I do not, I can feel it. I suffocate a little and shine a little less, I think.
Other things I intended to do this somewhat still new year:
* photograph my children daily from the start of each boy's birthday... didn't happen
* clean EVERYTHING... didn't happen
* schedule EVERYTHING... kinda happening, but not entirely
* speak with my half-ass British accent every chance I get (namely, in anonymous situations)... can't BELIEVE that hasn't happened
My point is that everything that matters simply has to find a home in my life. It just has to. And while this has been a long time coming, I suspect it will be a long time staying as well. Now, if only I could get back to keeping my digital photographs organized. Snap... didn't happen.
Other things I intended to do this somewhat still new year:
* photograph my children daily from the start of each boy's birthday... didn't happen
* clean EVERYTHING... didn't happen
* schedule EVERYTHING... kinda happening, but not entirely
* speak with my half-ass British accent every chance I get (namely, in anonymous situations)... can't BELIEVE that hasn't happened
My point is that everything that matters simply has to find a home in my life. It just has to. And while this has been a long time coming, I suspect it will be a long time staying as well. Now, if only I could get back to keeping my digital photographs organized. Snap... didn't happen.
feels good
Early in the Internet surge, I didn't subscribe right away to blogging. I like my old-fashioned tendencies, and I like using pens. But progress catches up with us all, I suppose. So here I am, ready to officially BLOG. LoAna come lately... I'm not ok with that, by the way.
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