2010

What writer doesn't ponder LIFE around this time every year? What human, at least in the U.S., doesn't? Many of us are creatures of both habit and an unwavering drive to be better tomorrow than we are today.

The problem with this outlook is that we're doomed to never reach our ultimate end. How can one ever be happy with where one is in life if one is always seeking to be better in some unknown future? This dilemma -- to be at peace with who I am now versus finding motivation to improve myself each and every day -- is a daunting one at best. Most days, I'd rather not think about it. Some days, I don't.

On these days, I merely get up and live. I wake up early (even if I'm extremely tired), I tend to my children (even if they aren't on their best behavior), I tend to my home (even if I don't get everything done like I want), I connect with my husband (even when we have to wait until the end of the day to enjoy each other's company), I serve my community and honor my commitments (even when this isn't convenient) and I love those I've been blessed to love (even if they are miles away).

When I look back, I realize I do these things everyday. What's left are those holes wherein I need to fit a few things that don't have my enduring commitment. For me, a main one is exercising most days. I like to workout, I enjoy working out, I have the time and I have the opportunity. There is a change in mindset that must occur for me to do this everyday -- just as I love my children everyday, just as I love my husband everyday. I must also love myself every single day.

There seems to be two kinds of people in the world -- those who love themselves too much and those who don't love themselves enough. I'd love to find some wonderful place in the middle to live out my days. A nice, healthy, balanced area in the middle where I can say, "I deserve this," but also say, "I can deny myself that." A place where I enjoy life's goodness without warping that enjoyment in a state of frenzied self-indulgence. A state of being that is never perfect, but always working itself out -- by way of my energy, my choices, my love.

The beauty of it all is that my life holds this inescapable fact: it can be all I want it to be. So, here's to yet another new year, another clean slate, another chance to feel the excitement of the gift of time. Time to make the very most of life, everyday.