twenty years

If I wasn't a woman, I might be singing "Like A Rock" right about now. In three days I'll turn 38, so it's been 20 years since I was 18. "Twenty years now... where'd they go?"

The difference is that I have an answer to that question.

I've spent those 20 years growing, loving, serving others, messing up big time (but not so big that I ruined my life!), trying and trying again. I've had a marriage, two children, a college degree and a move to Austin in that time. The lessons learned are priceless, though were not without costs. It's hard to believe I'm old enough to be living by phrases like, "I wouldn't change a thing."

Here is the pre-40s of my life, I absolutely feel I am the most ME I've been in a long time. I'm not sure if that comes from having a very loving and safe life before my move, followed by a lot of new experiences and changes after my move. It could be that I became a mother and fulfilled my desire to be a full-time mom with no other obligations other than to be here for my family pretty much any and all the time I can be. Perhaps I accomplished the things I set for myself as I hoped to and therefore haven't felt the need to DO more or BE more, at least not while my boys are young. I still have ME needs, but I feel at peace meeting those only as they coordinate with my life as a wife and mother first and foremost.

I had a revelation of sorts yesterday... I said to myself as I got ready pre-dawn to face another day of making lunches, preparing meals, squeezing in a workout and reading time, and volunteering at my kids' school: "I don't want to conquer the world. I just want to change it for the better."

Approaching 38 is a good place for me. I've heard it said that we are our truest selves at the age of 6. At that time in my life, I climbed trees, roller skated, rode my bike, played school, sang and danced in my living room. I started a girls club and we raised money for a local children's charity. I published our household newspaper on my sister's old typewriter and I loved to swim.

Amazing how much of that is still me today.