sister

In one blink of my eyes, the weight of every horrible thing I've done, said or thought about her landed in the pit of my gut by way of a very tangible throat lump. Sisters are like this, I know. You have your ups and downs, your jealousies (I of her, though I never imagined she would ever be of me), your harsh words and judgments... though they are ever cushioned and eventually blotted out by a lifetime of love, laughter and joyful memories I can only compare with the feeling you get from a perfect afternoon of sunshine, swimming, snacks and sisterly gossip .

She is my biggest supporter, my tumbling companion, my partner in crime, my vacation buddy, my only other person in the world who can laugh with me about our oldest sister in a way no one else could ever understand... come to think of it, no one else better laugh at our oldest sister! The bonds of sisterhood, to me, are of the strongest in the world... right up there with spouse, parent, child.

And in that one blink, I saw myself somewhere I'd never been, looking down a long hallway filled with questionable images... none of which were clear or illuminated. Only shades of questions and wonder and even a little bit of fear. The whispers of sadness clamored for my attention almost instantly. The what-ifs are torturous if you give them even a split-second second glance.

I pressed my ear to the phone in an effort to not miss any of the multi-syllable terms she was using. For some words, even a dictionary can't bring the clarity you need and want for such conversations. I listened, not quite understanding all of it; I listened nonetheless.

My life with sisters has been sweet. There is a line in "Little Women" where Jo tells young Amy not to be silly... that she could never love anyone more than she loves her sisters. It has always occurred to me that there is truth in such a claim... at least for me.

Our parents taught us, in theory and practice, the importance of marital and parental love. But no one had to teach me how to love my sisters... no one had to tell me to show loyalty to death or unconditional love in the face of any and every person who crossed our paths. And no one had to teach me about the very nature of sisterhood that could outlast failed marriages, span breaks in communication, and ease the heartaches of life.

For all that lies ahead, just as all that has come and gone, I trust such love and friendship will get us through. For I am the most fortunate of women to have the grace and love and support of two amazing women I get to call "my sister."

never enough

If you subscribe to any sort of media influence of what's beautiful, successful or important, you have to accept this fact: it's NEVER ENOUGH.

Conspiracy theorist or not, a person has to accept this when it comes to what is seen or heard from those who would have us use their product, wear their brand or consume their beverage. Because if you ever did get enough or if you ever did reach a place of contentment, the powers that be would not have done their job. We MUST be made to feel incompetent, undesirable, disconnected. Only when we are vulnerable in these ways will we look outward for the solution: the right cell phone, cologne, vehicle or beauty regimen.

In China, the ban on plastic surgery has been lifted and people are going into hospitals by the hundreds on any given week to have their eyes altered or their legs stretched. I find this western influence sad because millions of people there are starting to believe the hype that what you are NOW just isn't good enough.

Until you have your own personal definition of beauty, success or happiness, you'll never be satisfied. If you are looking for fulfillment in places and people and products, you'll always come up short and unsatisfied.

I encourage you to strip away from your mind all the mental junk that you've accumulated over the years of your life. If you've already had this realization and you're working some of this stuff out of your life, be a influence for someone else. And if you're just starting, it's not that hard.

You'll know what stuff you need out of your head if you'll just be on the lookout for it. It's the voice that resides somewhere in the corner of your mind saying, "You're just not ________ enough; you need more _______; you'll never be _______." And it probably sounds like the voice of a commercial announcer!