sister

In one blink of my eyes, the weight of every horrible thing I've done, said or thought about her landed in the pit of my gut by way of a very tangible throat lump. Sisters are like this, I know. You have your ups and downs, your jealousies (I of her, though I never imagined she would ever be of me), your harsh words and judgments... though they are ever cushioned and eventually blotted out by a lifetime of love, laughter and joyful memories I can only compare with the feeling you get from a perfect afternoon of sunshine, swimming, snacks and sisterly gossip .

She is my biggest supporter, my tumbling companion, my partner in crime, my vacation buddy, my only other person in the world who can laugh with me about our oldest sister in a way no one else could ever understand... come to think of it, no one else better laugh at our oldest sister! The bonds of sisterhood, to me, are of the strongest in the world... right up there with spouse, parent, child.

And in that one blink, I saw myself somewhere I'd never been, looking down a long hallway filled with questionable images... none of which were clear or illuminated. Only shades of questions and wonder and even a little bit of fear. The whispers of sadness clamored for my attention almost instantly. The what-ifs are torturous if you give them even a split-second second glance.

I pressed my ear to the phone in an effort to not miss any of the multi-syllable terms she was using. For some words, even a dictionary can't bring the clarity you need and want for such conversations. I listened, not quite understanding all of it; I listened nonetheless.

My life with sisters has been sweet. There is a line in "Little Women" where Jo tells young Amy not to be silly... that she could never love anyone more than she loves her sisters. It has always occurred to me that there is truth in such a claim... at least for me.

Our parents taught us, in theory and practice, the importance of marital and parental love. But no one had to teach me how to love my sisters... no one had to tell me to show loyalty to death or unconditional love in the face of any and every person who crossed our paths. And no one had to teach me about the very nature of sisterhood that could outlast failed marriages, span breaks in communication, and ease the heartaches of life.

For all that lies ahead, just as all that has come and gone, I trust such love and friendship will get us through. For I am the most fortunate of women to have the grace and love and support of two amazing women I get to call "my sister."