Parents often can be seen with that gah-gah silly smiling thing going on between them but not for what you might think. Sometimes, when our kids do those precious things we know we'll remember forever, there are no words to capture the utter sweetness of the moment. Such will be the case, I know, when I share with my husband our boys' Christmas "Wish List for Santa" lists. (**Please note this was done while with my parents and was their own idea; also, making a list of things we want isn't a practice we have around here). Having said that, please enjoy their lists. I've re-written these lists here with their own punctuation and spelling, and a few notes of my own in parenthesis. I dare you not to have that same silly smile on your face when you're done reading them:
Dylan's Wish list to Santa (*Dylan told me last week that he only 49 percent believes in Santa because he's just not so sure that all that magical stuff is really real, like flying reindeer; he said he doesn't believe 51 percent. I told him I like his honesty and that there will be no threats from me because of his beliefs.)
1. Red football that is medium size but that is in the middle of medium and small.
2. Dallas cowboys shirt with Sean Lee, D. Ware, Jason Witten and Dez Brient. (*Miles Austin is a favorite but he that jersey when we purchased some school clothes.)
3. Xbox 360
4. three D.S. (*I guess he meant a 3-D version of the Nintendo DS?)
5. iPad 2.
6. Kick ball that has a smily face on it
7. iPhone Four
8. sniper nerf gun
9. machine nerf gun
10. A nerf football (*I'm guessing he didn't want to risk not getting this because he actually used the last of his allowance to buy it himself yesterday while getting a friend a birthday gift.)
11. Little Big Planet two on Playstaisan
12. Rainbow Robe with A snowman
13. Sport sun glasses that are red
14. 10 corvet Hotwheels cars
15. A soft Pillow with a snow man Pitcher (*I'm certain he meant picture, not a baseball throwing snowman.)
David's wish list for x-mas! To Santa
1. Fulcan-25 Nerf gun (*He put the little copyright, circled C next to the word Nerf.)
2. 600X microscope
3. A rainbow-colered bed robe
4. An Xbox 360
5. 20-foot flag pole, string, and Baylor Flag
6. The game of Headbands. (*Again, with the copyright mark.)
7. A brand new Mario Party 8 (copyright) on the Wii (copyright)
(*David lost track of his numbering right here, I guess because the 8 confused him. Haha!)
iPad 2
10. an iPhone 4S (*The S was in a box!)
11. sniper nerf gun.
12. machine nerf gun.
(*By this point, I can't really read the numbers.)
1? Disney Universe game for PS3 or Wii
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
on turning 40...
Somehow, the day and week came without me sitting down to write one word about the momentous occasion. I've officially occupied the planet now for more than four decades. Amazingly, I feel neither old nor as though I've become any more certain about why I'm even here.
But I was thinking that maybe the question is irrelevant; that rather, the answer is found in what one does, who one is, and how one lives.
Last week, I took time and enjoyed a few of my favorite things: family, friends, the arts, tea, books, fun, football, Italian food. I did this without guilt, even when my kids stayed with my parents an extra night, giving me some much needed and long overdue down time alone with my husband.
This week, a world of responsibilities is calling me back to reality: Christmas, shopping, cleaning, laundry, winter break. I made a few changes last week and I'm determined to stick with these, but always it's the battle in my head that wages the most vicious war.
So when a blah moment wanted to come over me today, I looked into the eyes of my 7-year-old who was ecstatic to be home again and throwing the football with me. I touched the hand of my husband who should have been doing homework (he has a 4.0 to maintain, after all!) but was instead enjoying a movie with us after making sliders. I snuggled with my 9-year-old who was, oddly enough, cold and under a blanket and in need of mommy's arm.
And in the simplest of terms, I knew. I knew, and I always will know, why I'm here.
But I was thinking that maybe the question is irrelevant; that rather, the answer is found in what one does, who one is, and how one lives.
Last week, I took time and enjoyed a few of my favorite things: family, friends, the arts, tea, books, fun, football, Italian food. I did this without guilt, even when my kids stayed with my parents an extra night, giving me some much needed and long overdue down time alone with my husband.
This week, a world of responsibilities is calling me back to reality: Christmas, shopping, cleaning, laundry, winter break. I made a few changes last week and I'm determined to stick with these, but always it's the battle in my head that wages the most vicious war.
So when a blah moment wanted to come over me today, I looked into the eyes of my 7-year-old who was ecstatic to be home again and throwing the football with me. I touched the hand of my husband who should have been doing homework (he has a 4.0 to maintain, after all!) but was instead enjoying a movie with us after making sliders. I snuggled with my 9-year-old who was, oddly enough, cold and under a blanket and in need of mommy's arm.
And in the simplest of terms, I knew. I knew, and I always will know, why I'm here.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
words to grow on
The following was used in a newsletter by my good friend, Russell Chapa, for his band (CHAPA) in honor of Burning Man. I'm grateful for his title suggestion, as well as his consistent support!
Turning 40 truly is a milestone, whether I want to admit it or not. But I think I'm embracing that milestone. I've never been afraid of "getting old" and I usually keep a positive attitude about things that are inevitable... things like change, the passing of years and aging.
I could tell you some of the more obvious negative effects I am experiencing with this coming of age: less clear vision when reading, feeling just a little more tired a little more often, a little aching in my joints that comes outta nowhere!
But I think I'll share the bragging rights I've acquired over these 39+ years; the things I find I am more than happy and willing to own about my impending 40th anniversary as a human being:
"I know more than you know." Ask my kids, I use this argument in various ways all the time as I proudly say, "I'm almost 40 years old... I know all about driving/laundry/politics/astrophysics/etc."
"I am a grown-ass woman! I'm almost 40 years old!" Of course, this kind of obvious mockery of authority whispers at immaturity, but the truth is, no one younger than you is going to question this argument. NO ONE!
"Everything old is new again." I've convinced myself that I'm cool (not old) when some kid tells me about some novel thing he's into and I'm like, "Oh yea, we used to do that." The whole been there/done that thing is a little over used, but it's still effective, especially when it's true.
"When I was a kid..." Everything was better quality, cheaper prices, safer and more genuine. Of course this isn't always true, but it's fun to look back and know that you witnessed music, movies and books that were AT LEAST as cool as the stuff today.
"Eh, I'm old." As a final straw, this bit of earned clout is the default of all defaults. Let's say you're really tired, for no particular reason, and people want to give you a hard time about it... just tell them you're old! What about you're ever decreasing interest in things like roller coasters, late night buffets, hangovers and traffic? Just tell 'em old people "like me" don't have time for this crap! It might sound like an excuse but, damn it, we've earned this excuse!
In all honesty, I feel pretty great. And not "considering I'm almost 40;" I just feel good about life. I know that my parents are aging, my children are growing up, the cost of living is rising and my metabolism will continue to slow no matter what. But there is something to be said for the fact that I've made it this far in one piece, relatively speaking. Even the pieces that I lost and found along the way have made me who I am today. I can either accept and love life as is or be miserable wishing for what was or fearing what might be. Hell, I'm a grown-ass woman, and I'm just getting started!
..
Turning 40 truly is a milestone, whether I want to admit it or not. But I think I'm embracing that milestone. I've never been afraid of "getting old" and I usually keep a positive attitude about things that are inevitable... things like change, the passing of years and aging.
I could tell you some of the more obvious negative effects I am experiencing with this coming of age: less clear vision when reading, feeling just a little more tired a little more often, a little aching in my joints that comes outta nowhere!
But I think I'll share the bragging rights I've acquired over these 39+ years; the things I find I am more than happy and willing to own about my impending 40th anniversary as a human being:
"I know more than you know." Ask my kids, I use this argument in various ways all the time as I proudly say, "I'm almost 40 years old... I know all about driving/laundry/politics/astrophysics/etc."
"I am a grown-ass woman! I'm almost 40 years old!" Of course, this kind of obvious mockery of authority whispers at immaturity, but the truth is, no one younger than you is going to question this argument. NO ONE!
"Everything old is new again." I've convinced myself that I'm cool (not old) when some kid tells me about some novel thing he's into and I'm like, "Oh yea, we used to do that." The whole been there/done that thing is a little over used, but it's still effective, especially when it's true.
"When I was a kid..." Everything was better quality, cheaper prices, safer and more genuine. Of course this isn't always true, but it's fun to look back and know that you witnessed music, movies and books that were AT LEAST as cool as the stuff today.
"Eh, I'm old." As a final straw, this bit of earned clout is the default of all defaults. Let's say you're really tired, for no particular reason, and people want to give you a hard time about it... just tell them you're old! What about you're ever decreasing interest in things like roller coasters, late night buffets, hangovers and traffic? Just tell 'em old people "like me" don't have time for this crap! It might sound like an excuse but, damn it, we've earned this excuse!
In all honesty, I feel pretty great. And not "considering I'm almost 40;" I just feel good about life. I know that my parents are aging, my children are growing up, the cost of living is rising and my metabolism will continue to slow no matter what. But there is something to be said for the fact that I've made it this far in one piece, relatively speaking. Even the pieces that I lost and found along the way have made me who I am today. I can either accept and love life as is or be miserable wishing for what was or fearing what might be. Hell, I'm a grown-ass woman, and I'm just getting started!
..
Thursday, August 25, 2011
cleaning house
Cleaning house requires nerves of steel.
People are always encouraging you to keep what you don't need "just in case." You start to doubt yourself and before you know it, the "to go" pile is two-deep and the "keep" pile is a bigger mess than you started with!
Making time to clean house is an entirely different battle. Right about the time you get up the resolve to take out the trash and do some nitty gritty scrubbing, it seems like everybody in your life decides they "need" you. Before you know it, you've not only put off cleaning, you've also added to your junk. You've run out of time, patience and energy.
Of course, even if you are able to clean house, the old stuff often seems to find its way back inside. And even if you keep out the old, new dust and grime settles in quicker than you can call on Mr. Clean (who might be otherwise preoccupied anyway!). You look for backup support, but it just isn't always there. You look inward, but realize the only sound you hear coming from within is the muffled snarl of deep-sleep breathing, but it's better than moans of despair or screams of insanity.
Cleaning house isn't some domestic rite of passage for stay-at-homers. It's just part of life. A stressful, unpleasant, excruciating part of life.
People are always encouraging you to keep what you don't need "just in case." You start to doubt yourself and before you know it, the "to go" pile is two-deep and the "keep" pile is a bigger mess than you started with!
Making time to clean house is an entirely different battle. Right about the time you get up the resolve to take out the trash and do some nitty gritty scrubbing, it seems like everybody in your life decides they "need" you. Before you know it, you've not only put off cleaning, you've also added to your junk. You've run out of time, patience and energy.
Of course, even if you are able to clean house, the old stuff often seems to find its way back inside. And even if you keep out the old, new dust and grime settles in quicker than you can call on Mr. Clean (who might be otherwise preoccupied anyway!). You look for backup support, but it just isn't always there. You look inward, but realize the only sound you hear coming from within is the muffled snarl of deep-sleep breathing, but it's better than moans of despair or screams of insanity.
Cleaning house isn't some domestic rite of passage for stay-at-homers. It's just part of life. A stressful, unpleasant, excruciating part of life.
change
If change could come as quickly and easily as the spoken word, I would...
Be passionate about some form of exercise.
Stop comparing myself to others.
Write for hours and come up with something to actually publish.
Love to cook, and settle for nothing less than the best foods for my family.
Find something I love in this life that isn't about my husband or children.
Make big bucks doing something I love!
Be passionate about some form of exercise.
Stop comparing myself to others.
Write for hours and come up with something to actually publish.
Love to cook, and settle for nothing less than the best foods for my family.
Find something I love in this life that isn't about my husband or children.
Make big bucks doing something I love!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
haiku for momma
Teaching me letters
Earliest of memories,
Trained in motherhood
Rolling tortillas
Working the early mornings
Telling me good-night
Laughter like silver
Light-catching, free, like spring time
Love for the masses
Wisdom flows freely
Sharing with others always
Listen and you'll learn
Earliest of memories,
Trained in motherhood
Rolling tortillas
Working the early mornings
Telling me good-night
Laughter like silver
Light-catching, free, like spring time
Love for the masses
Wisdom flows freely
Sharing with others always
Listen and you'll learn
the stuff
What is all this other stuff for, anyway?
For about three weeks, my family of four lived out of two overnight bags, a suitcase, a duffel bag and an ice chest. Suddenly, these extra... spaces... filled with so much extra... stuff!... seem utterly superfluous. I managed quite nicely without a pantry (even though I cooked for several days straight) or even a week's worth of clothes (we each had about three changes of clothing with us -- including adequate clothing for colder temperatures -- and I made use of laundry facilities about three times).
So the board games, DVDs, computers and extra seating seem so silly at the moment. I know at some level and for various occasions these items are "needed." But I can't stress enough the fact that for almost a month, I didn't miss these things at all!
For about three weeks, my family of four lived out of two overnight bags, a suitcase, a duffel bag and an ice chest. Suddenly, these extra... spaces... filled with so much extra... stuff!... seem utterly superfluous. I managed quite nicely without a pantry (even though I cooked for several days straight) or even a week's worth of clothes (we each had about three changes of clothing with us -- including adequate clothing for colder temperatures -- and I made use of laundry facilities about three times).
So the board games, DVDs, computers and extra seating seem so silly at the moment. I know at some level and for various occasions these items are "needed." But I can't stress enough the fact that for almost a month, I didn't miss these things at all!
Friday, April 8, 2011
ugly truths and confessions...
...or maybe I just need to go to bed. Nonetheless, these are the not-so-pleasant thoughts occupying my mind right now. It's a lot, it's not pretty, and it's not for fans of the ups. In fact, it's an outright downer, but you were warned! If you ever wanted to know more of the REAL me, here it is:
My kids bring home a bunch of crap. Stuff they "create" and stuff they "win" and it's all just more junk that's messy-ing up my house. Thanks for nothing; God knows I don't have enough guilt already!
I'm not beautiful, and he doesn't think so either. I see where men want to have pictures of their wives, or take pictures of their wives. Not my husband. I'll give him this... I gripe about how I turn out in pictures. Still, if someone calls you "beautiful" and they claim to be talking about your looks, seems like they'd want photos of you. I'm just saying.
No dreams would be better. I'd be so much better off and happier if I could just shake off that feeling inside that there's more to me that what I am and what I've become. JUST STOP ALREADY! THIS IS IT! I mean, heck, I couldn't even brush my hair and put on nail polish today because everyone else's stuff somehow always comes first.
Sadness is easy. Too bad it's frowned upon to cry at will, stomp ones feet in protest and throw fits in public. You know, unless you're a toddler.
I think I have a food addiction. Even when I'm not hungry, I really like the feel of swallowing food that tastes good... pasta, tortillas, cake, buttered bread, almonds. I think I have a problem.
Selfishness is harder than I thought. I actually really like my kids, and I enjoy my life revolving around them. Doing more for ME is harder than I thought it would be. Amazing!
Nighttime ain't the right time. The rest of this darn society dictates rise n shine. People like me, who seem to click on at night, are screwed. For life!
Everyone fails you. Yourself, your best friend, your closest confidant, your priest, your parent. Everyone. Yes, even GOD! Because so much of the GOD relationship is OUR perception, OUR mood, OUR behavior, OUR feelings. Trust me, with that much OUR in anything, it's doomed!
We have some major differences. My hubby and I love each other and love to be together, but we have some majorly different outlooks on things. Things that we used to agree upon; things that I bet some "professionals" would see as too different to succeed. I wonder how long we can go on like this and if these differences will ever take a toll on our marriage? Thinking about this makes me sad and want to cry because these are somewhat serious issues. Next!
I sleep a lot; more than I'd admit to anyone. I realize this could be a sign of something sinister (like depression or an iron deficiency) but I'm not up for going to a doctor to have him tell me, "You're depressed. Let's talk about why." I'd just say, "Read my blog!"
He's just a man. My husband really, truly is a wonderful husband and father. We really are close and get along so well. I'm not trying to convince myself because this is about honesty anyway. BUT, the more time goes by, the more I'm realizing that in so many ways, he is just as typical as the next man. And if I can say that about my guy, then I KNOW there are no Prince Charmings!
So the other night... I have more than my share of regretful nights. One was last year when I got sick at a wine night with a bunch of females I didn't know (except one or two). And do you know what was the end-all worst part about not remembering what happened? Thinking about how my friend probably saw my disgustingly huge gut! If you don't know, you don't know. Without much work, I could pose for a fairly pregnant woman most days of the week. You know, unless I'm starving myself. Which reminds me...
Starvation is the only thing that works. If you've ever seen me "thin" or "toned"... and if this was AFTER high school (when I was long and skinny and flexible like a bendy straw) and AFTER college (when I at least still had metabolism on my side), chances are you were seeing the effects of mild to moderate starvation. I'm not kidding. At all. We're talking major calorie-restriction. And THAT's what works, EVEN with running and hard workouts. It's the NON food that does the trick. That's my reality at least.
We do the same thing every night. I pretty much love it because it's OUR time. But I am wondering if I love it because I'm used to it and I'm lazy. Movie/TV/Game/Food (usually). Hmm.
Speaking of starvation... I may never go back that way again. I'm ALMOST, but not quite, ready to resolve that I was a skinny kid but just as I was never destined to be a beautiful woman, I was probably never really naturally cut-out to be a thin woman.
You know, I keep SAYING I'm going to throw myself a fun 40th birthday party weekend... but something tells me I won't. At least not the way I've envisioned it. Unlike many women who let themselves at least once do it all out (their wedding, a weekend away, a spa trip, SOMETHING), I'll likely chicken out, and likely in the name of frugality or time (you know, something for someone else was more important).
I don't cook nearly as much as I think I should, and I let my kids eat in the living room more than a couple of times a week. And I am not okay with or proud of either of these things. I'm outright ashamed.
Green Monster rules the day. As much as I find that I really like my female friends, the truth is, I am envious of most, if not all, of them. There is one friend I dread going to lunch with because I have to endure the stares of others (looking at her) and being reminded that yeah, I'm basically chopped liver. Then there's the friend who I find I am comfortable with but around whom I am not making the best choices. And then there's the friend who I wonder about in terms of our true "friendship." The conversation is always about her anyway. Is that even friendship? What grade am I in? I'm jealous of the friend who works out consistently, the friend who doesn't work out consistently but still looks like she works out consistently, the friend who manages and takes the time to capture all her beautiful children's life moments on film (I'm thinking I should just eBay my stupid camera!), the friend who makes some income and still finds the time to be a very involved mom, the friend who has a maid, the friend whose husband takes her out to dinner or on trips, the friend who doesn't have a maid and still has enough pride in herself to keep her home clean, the friend who has lots of fun girlfriend time, the friend who doesn't seem to care that her whole life is spent on PTA because she believes in it so much, the friend who... well, maybe I'M the one whose not really a friend.
My in-laws aren't huge fans. My parents don't hold back on showing love to my husband, and I'm actually very keen on this. But sometimes, I have literally thought they love him more... if not more, than at least loved him with a greater sense of unconditional love... as though their love for me has some sort of strings attached... "Hey, we did a good job raising you in a totally functional home; don't go failing on us!" But this is NOT reciprocated in the slightest from David's family, namely his mom. I've chalked it up to the fact that she was a single mom and so maybe there is some of that "us against the world" mentality still lurking around all these years later. Either way, it irks me. She is good to my kids and has never tried to tell me how to be a wife or mother, and of course her son (like his brother and two sisters) can do no wrong. But I've said on more than one occasion that I don't particularly like being treated like a second-class citizen by my mother-in-law, especially since on occasion my own father has openly favored David over me. I get over it time and again (another "Grow up, LoAna!" moment), but I hope and pray that if life ever finds me without my own parents, and with David's mom still alive, I don't weakly cave in and call her anything close to "mom" or turn to her in need of motherly love, compassion or advice; humility be damned!
My in-laws aren't huge fans. My parents don't hold back on showing love to my husband, and I'm actually very keen on this. But sometimes, I have literally thought they love him more... if not more, than at least loved him with a greater sense of unconditional love... as though their love for me has some sort of strings attached... "Hey, we did a good job raising you in a totally functional home; don't go failing on us!" But this is NOT reciprocated in the slightest from David's family, namely his mom. I've chalked it up to the fact that she was a single mom and so maybe there is some of that "us against the world" mentality still lurking around all these years later. Either way, it irks me. She is good to my kids and has never tried to tell me how to be a wife or mother, and of course her son (like his brother and two sisters) can do no wrong. But I've said on more than one occasion that I don't particularly like being treated like a second-class citizen by my mother-in-law, especially since on occasion my own father has openly favored David over me. I get over it time and again (another "Grow up, LoAna!" moment), but I hope and pray that if life ever finds me without my own parents, and with David's mom still alive, I don't weakly cave in and call her anything close to "mom" or turn to her in need of motherly love, compassion or advice; humility be damned!
The t-shirt thing is a real bummer! I hate that I usually wear t-shirts. I try not to hate this side of myself, but I can't help it. I always wish I could look cute or have more fashion sense and style than I seem to. Makes me sick that I give such a damn.
Well, I haven't worked out all week. We even had our monthly family meeting where everyone talks about their short-term goals for the month ahead, and I'm still doing nothing. My motivations are superficial and meaningless (going out for a night, meeting up with friends, seeing old friends, etc.), and once they're gone, there is a big chance my "drive" is gone, too.
Well, I haven't worked out all week. We even had our monthly family meeting where everyone talks about their short-term goals for the month ahead, and I'm still doing nothing. My motivations are superficial and meaningless (going out for a night, meeting up with friends, seeing old friends, etc.), and once they're gone, there is a big chance my "drive" is gone, too.
I still worry a LOT about what my parents think. I'll go toe-to-toe with anyone who says they do, too. I stress out way too much on this one. I can't seem to shake it. Ugh. Another topic that makes me sad because I feel I will never be free of this.
Lacking confidence. As I approach 40, I realize that the first half of my life was filled with self-confidence. I was ready to conquer the world! How and in what way, I wasn't sure. But I was ready and willing to take on anything. Something happened right around the time of what is the halfway point in my life. Was it post-high school? Was it college life? Was it boyfriend issues? Was it simply having to grow up? I'm not happy with where my life is, as far as ME (the me that isn't a mom or wife or daughter or sister... those roles I seem to manage pretty well). Figuring out how to get this next part of life (AFTER this second half as been somewhat bleak) back on track is one daunting task, to say the least. Currently, I'm just not up for the challenge. At all.
Lacking confidence. As I approach 40, I realize that the first half of my life was filled with self-confidence. I was ready to conquer the world! How and in what way, I wasn't sure. But I was ready and willing to take on anything. Something happened right around the time of what is the halfway point in my life. Was it post-high school? Was it college life? Was it boyfriend issues? Was it simply having to grow up? I'm not happy with where my life is, as far as ME (the me that isn't a mom or wife or daughter or sister... those roles I seem to manage pretty well). Figuring out how to get this next part of life (AFTER this second half as been somewhat bleak) back on track is one daunting task, to say the least. Currently, I'm just not up for the challenge. At all.
Monday, March 28, 2011
getting old sucks...
No matter what anyone says, I'm getting older. And this blog is dedicated to the most annoying parts of this "journey" that I've encountered so far.
* BATHROOM CONCERNS: I find that I have to really think twice about whether or not I can have something to drink before hitting the road. This really irritates me!
* WORKING OUT BLAHS: With all my heart, I've not wanted to use gimmicks to get and stay healthy. I've seen the numbers go down -- when I'm going hardcore -- but I've also seen them slide back up when I try to get back to real life. And it just sucks that the older I get, the harder it REALLY is to lose even a couple of pounds. This SUCKS!
* VISION PROBLEMS: I always had 20/20 vision, but once I started to see blurry, it went downhill fast. I have reading glasses but I don't really have to use them. It's just most annoying when I can't see what that tiny speck on my hand is!
* MEMORY / SPEECH ISSUES: This one REALLY sucks. More and more, I've realized that I've said the wrong thing when giving my family direction (like mistaking the boys shirts or putting the wrong snack in the wrong backpack). Nothing major, but I fear this is just the beginning.
* FEELING TIRED: Another big one that I hate. I've always felt pretty young at heart, until now. I exercise, I'm tired. I rest, I'm tired. I take it easy, I'm tired. I do hard work, I'm tired. I stay indoors, I'm tired. I volunteer, I'm tired. I do exactly what I want to do, I'm tired. I eat whatever, I'm tired. I eat more healthy options, I'm tired. I skip caffeine, I'm tired. I drink coffee, I'm EVENTUALLY tired again.
There is no upbeat wrap-up to this blog. I guess I just either wanted you to know you aren't alone OR I wanted to share the glory that is yours to come!
* BATHROOM CONCERNS: I find that I have to really think twice about whether or not I can have something to drink before hitting the road. This really irritates me!
* WORKING OUT BLAHS: With all my heart, I've not wanted to use gimmicks to get and stay healthy. I've seen the numbers go down -- when I'm going hardcore -- but I've also seen them slide back up when I try to get back to real life. And it just sucks that the older I get, the harder it REALLY is to lose even a couple of pounds. This SUCKS!
* VISION PROBLEMS: I always had 20/20 vision, but once I started to see blurry, it went downhill fast. I have reading glasses but I don't really have to use them. It's just most annoying when I can't see what that tiny speck on my hand is!
* MEMORY / SPEECH ISSUES: This one REALLY sucks. More and more, I've realized that I've said the wrong thing when giving my family direction (like mistaking the boys shirts or putting the wrong snack in the wrong backpack). Nothing major, but I fear this is just the beginning.
* FEELING TIRED: Another big one that I hate. I've always felt pretty young at heart, until now. I exercise, I'm tired. I rest, I'm tired. I take it easy, I'm tired. I do hard work, I'm tired. I stay indoors, I'm tired. I volunteer, I'm tired. I do exactly what I want to do, I'm tired. I eat whatever, I'm tired. I eat more healthy options, I'm tired. I skip caffeine, I'm tired. I drink coffee, I'm EVENTUALLY tired again.
There is no upbeat wrap-up to this blog. I guess I just either wanted you to know you aren't alone OR I wanted to share the glory that is yours to come!
Monday, March 7, 2011
cinnamon apples are a recipe for life
With my boys home sick today and tomorrow, I find it rather easy to put off more pressing chores (laundry!) in order to tend to their needs and keep them comfortable. I guess if they were destined to get strep throat, might as well knock it out two-fer style!
I made them cinnamon apples yesterday and today. Jack Johnson might sing about banana pancakes and how they have the power to make everyday seem like a lazy weekend (no wonder my three Ds love this song), but I realized something about life while peeling sliced apples today. It's a little recipe that isn't hard to follow if we'll just take the time...
Take fresh apples... because they're awesome and simple, perfectly sweet and juicy, and available in enough varieties to keep you interested. If it's really good for you, do it!
Slice and cut them... with a slicer if you have one. Nothing wrong with adding a bit of convenience when laboring in love. If not, work that knife. Be careful, but don't be afraid!
Peel them... unless you want that extra "good for you" factor. See, this is the part that takes so long for me. I could peel it first, but either way this is the slow part. It can get tedious, trying not to waste too much apple, while also doing the chore of removing what the kids don't want. They'll eat the peel, but sometimes, you just gotta give in and give them what they want. It's ok!
Add them to a little bubbling water... which also took a little time but only very little since there isn't much water to boil. And is there anything more perfect and refreshing than water? It's life-giving, pure and simple.
Throw in some sugar... we use the raw stuff around here. It's the sweetness of life. Personally, I think apples are sweet enough, but to ensure you're more picky eater consumes all this goodness, why not? A little sugar goes a long way, and a little sugar doesn't take away from the nutritious value of apples. Neither do laughter and smiles take away from life's responsibilities, but it can sure make them more bearable.
Top off with cinnamon... because whatever you consider the spice of life, the spice is what keeps it all balanced. Not too sweet, not too tart. Life needs this, and so do warm apples to give them just that little bit of variety.
Serve and let them eat as soon as they can. It takes a little time to make, but seeing my boys eat something they like that's also so good for them is well worth the little extra effort. That I took the time to make a snack for them myself makes it even that much more valuable.
Such can be life, really. Some work, some patience, some sweet and some spice, and a whole lot of love. This was today's recipe for life!
I made them cinnamon apples yesterday and today. Jack Johnson might sing about banana pancakes and how they have the power to make everyday seem like a lazy weekend (no wonder my three Ds love this song), but I realized something about life while peeling sliced apples today. It's a little recipe that isn't hard to follow if we'll just take the time...
Take fresh apples... because they're awesome and simple, perfectly sweet and juicy, and available in enough varieties to keep you interested. If it's really good for you, do it!
Slice and cut them... with a slicer if you have one. Nothing wrong with adding a bit of convenience when laboring in love. If not, work that knife. Be careful, but don't be afraid!
Peel them... unless you want that extra "good for you" factor. See, this is the part that takes so long for me. I could peel it first, but either way this is the slow part. It can get tedious, trying not to waste too much apple, while also doing the chore of removing what the kids don't want. They'll eat the peel, but sometimes, you just gotta give in and give them what they want. It's ok!
Add them to a little bubbling water... which also took a little time but only very little since there isn't much water to boil. And is there anything more perfect and refreshing than water? It's life-giving, pure and simple.
Throw in some sugar... we use the raw stuff around here. It's the sweetness of life. Personally, I think apples are sweet enough, but to ensure you're more picky eater consumes all this goodness, why not? A little sugar goes a long way, and a little sugar doesn't take away from the nutritious value of apples. Neither do laughter and smiles take away from life's responsibilities, but it can sure make them more bearable.
Top off with cinnamon... because whatever you consider the spice of life, the spice is what keeps it all balanced. Not too sweet, not too tart. Life needs this, and so do warm apples to give them just that little bit of variety.
Serve and let them eat as soon as they can. It takes a little time to make, but seeing my boys eat something they like that's also so good for them is well worth the little extra effort. That I took the time to make a snack for them myself makes it even that much more valuable.
Such can be life, really. Some work, some patience, some sweet and some spice, and a whole lot of love. This was today's recipe for life!
Friday, March 4, 2011
so, what's with...
My hope is to have more "meaningful" blog posts of substance. A fellow writer, whose opinion I value, encouraged me to be true to myself in what I write and that I can't go wrong. He echoed my own sentiments.
Having stated this, I can promise you (my unknown reader!) that sometimes my blogs still will be about the somewhat superficial, the evidently elementary, and the mind-boggling maddening and moronic! Moronic might be a bit harsh... I was on a roll.
So, what's with...
*All those smirk-pout non-smiles girls of a certain age are doing for pictures ALL THE TIME nowadays? For one thing, it's so done by now, I can't believe any of them think it's even remotely "cool" (that is, unless cool actually means that every other girl and her puppy is posing in this EXACT same way). Also, I've seen REALLY cute girls look REALLY not cute when assuming this face pose. Eww! Stop it already!
*Letting your kids be loud at the library? Hey you... it's a LIBRARY! If you want to let your kids run around like the world is their own planet of the apes, take them to a Barnes & Noble. Better yet, take them to a park! Whatever you do, tell them to be quiet while you're in the library. Three crucial words to all who are or would be parents: WATCH YOUR KIDS!
*People STILL texting and driving? Who or what is THAT important? I'll tell you who or what... no one or nothing, that's who or what.
*Brooke Burke? I find that while I want to like her, I also want to hate her. Did she really just "write" and publish a book trying to relate to me in written form just because we both happen to 1) speak English and 2) share the same gender tag? The title of her book has the word "naked" in it. Relate to me? I don't think so, sister!
*Tolerance? I think I'm pretty tolerant. However, I find that lots of people who call themselves tolerant are among the first to get pissy when THEY decide someone else (usually someone who disagrees with them) is INTOLERANT. Hello? YOU'RE the one being intolerant by criticizing someone else whose opinion doesn't sit well with you. Come on!
*Ghetto-speak in writing? Look, I'm not perfect. I don't claim to be. I drop caps all the time (thank you, e e cummings) and use the occasional "u" or "b" (though NEVER in that sequence!). But sometimes, I can't even read it, much less make sense of it all. Maybe that's the point... almost-40-year-old women aren't supposed to be reading it. All I know is, ah cant haaang wit aw da stuf ah cant b reedin, boo. id b makin me krunkd uppp muh peeeeeps. (That was exhausting, and it made me shudder like the thought of breaking my leg!)
*Racist people? I have a friend who is racist! Right then I really wanted to write, "I have a friend who is kinda racist" but we all know either you are or you aren't. Old school generation people stick to their discrimination stories, new generations claim "I was brought up that way," and people in between form their own prejudices. I know it's going to happen, but it's almost the 20-teens! Racism is as outdated as cassette tapes and dot matrix printing.
*Alcohol? Is this an acquired taste? Do beer and vodka and deep red wines really taste good to some people? Did it taste good from that first sip? Is there a gene for that? Cause if so, I didn't get it, even though there was a time long ago when my parents liked their booze. Alcohol, to me, is far behind the likes of Coke, sweet tea and berry lemonades when it comes to taste. I just can't believe people like alcohol so much!
*Sports parents? I love sports as much as the next crazy mom. I really do. I love to watch my husband, my boys, pro and college sports, and even play when I get the chance. And I'm quite the fan! But I just don't understand how grown people think it's ok to be mean or aggressive with kids in the name of team sports and WINNING! I also don't get parents who place too much emphasis on sports and generally overlook reading, the arts, family time, communication, volunteerism, church, manners, life.
*People who refuse to recycle? Sometimes it's not convenient. Some cities still charge extra to get a curbside recycling bin. Some people are old or stubborn or stuck in their ways, or all of the above. Understandable, I guess. But to outright NOT recycle when it's an easy option is as acceptable as a 9-year-old stomping his feet in public. Yuck! We hear you... your ONE plastic water bottle might not make or break the earth's ecosystem... but if your lousy attitude caught on, it could be one messy planet. Ever see Wall-E?
*Getting old? It's like marriage and parenting. No one can prepare you. People don't even really try. They don't tell you how life-altering, exhausting and difficult any and all of these can be. It's like there's this secret code among married folks, parents and old people that says, "Don't tell 'em! In an effort to continue the species, for the love of God, don't tell them!"
Having stated this, I can promise you (my unknown reader!) that sometimes my blogs still will be about the somewhat superficial, the evidently elementary, and the mind-boggling maddening and moronic! Moronic might be a bit harsh... I was on a roll.
So, what's with...
*All those smirk-pout non-smiles girls of a certain age are doing for pictures ALL THE TIME nowadays? For one thing, it's so done by now, I can't believe any of them think it's even remotely "cool" (that is, unless cool actually means that every other girl and her puppy is posing in this EXACT same way). Also, I've seen REALLY cute girls look REALLY not cute when assuming this face pose. Eww! Stop it already!
*Letting your kids be loud at the library? Hey you... it's a LIBRARY! If you want to let your kids run around like the world is their own planet of the apes, take them to a Barnes & Noble. Better yet, take them to a park! Whatever you do, tell them to be quiet while you're in the library. Three crucial words to all who are or would be parents: WATCH YOUR KIDS!
*People STILL texting and driving? Who or what is THAT important? I'll tell you who or what... no one or nothing, that's who or what.
*Brooke Burke? I find that while I want to like her, I also want to hate her. Did she really just "write" and publish a book trying to relate to me in written form just because we both happen to 1) speak English and 2) share the same gender tag? The title of her book has the word "naked" in it. Relate to me? I don't think so, sister!
*Tolerance? I think I'm pretty tolerant. However, I find that lots of people who call themselves tolerant are among the first to get pissy when THEY decide someone else (usually someone who disagrees with them) is INTOLERANT. Hello? YOU'RE the one being intolerant by criticizing someone else whose opinion doesn't sit well with you. Come on!
*Ghetto-speak in writing? Look, I'm not perfect. I don't claim to be. I drop caps all the time (thank you, e e cummings) and use the occasional "u" or "b" (though NEVER in that sequence!). But sometimes, I can't even read it, much less make sense of it all. Maybe that's the point... almost-40-year-old women aren't supposed to be reading it. All I know is, ah cant haaang wit aw da stuf ah cant b reedin, boo. id b makin me krunkd uppp muh peeeeeps. (That was exhausting, and it made me shudder like the thought of breaking my leg!)
*Racist people? I have a friend who is racist! Right then I really wanted to write, "I have a friend who is kinda racist" but we all know either you are or you aren't. Old school generation people stick to their discrimination stories, new generations claim "I was brought up that way," and people in between form their own prejudices. I know it's going to happen, but it's almost the 20-teens! Racism is as outdated as cassette tapes and dot matrix printing.
*Alcohol? Is this an acquired taste? Do beer and vodka and deep red wines really taste good to some people? Did it taste good from that first sip? Is there a gene for that? Cause if so, I didn't get it, even though there was a time long ago when my parents liked their booze. Alcohol, to me, is far behind the likes of Coke, sweet tea and berry lemonades when it comes to taste. I just can't believe people like alcohol so much!
*Sports parents? I love sports as much as the next crazy mom. I really do. I love to watch my husband, my boys, pro and college sports, and even play when I get the chance. And I'm quite the fan! But I just don't understand how grown people think it's ok to be mean or aggressive with kids in the name of team sports and WINNING! I also don't get parents who place too much emphasis on sports and generally overlook reading, the arts, family time, communication, volunteerism, church, manners, life.
*People who refuse to recycle? Sometimes it's not convenient. Some cities still charge extra to get a curbside recycling bin. Some people are old or stubborn or stuck in their ways, or all of the above. Understandable, I guess. But to outright NOT recycle when it's an easy option is as acceptable as a 9-year-old stomping his feet in public. Yuck! We hear you... your ONE plastic water bottle might not make or break the earth's ecosystem... but if your lousy attitude caught on, it could be one messy planet. Ever see Wall-E?
*Getting old? It's like marriage and parenting. No one can prepare you. People don't even really try. They don't tell you how life-altering, exhausting and difficult any and all of these can be. It's like there's this secret code among married folks, parents and old people that says, "Don't tell 'em! In an effort to continue the species, for the love of God, don't tell them!"
Thursday, March 3, 2011
what's crazy
Some of the very names we call upon in the name of genius and trailblazing are those of people once viewed as crazy. In one day, I might hear a couple of people call other folks "crazy," and it can mean various things: funny, intense, outgoing, hardworking, risky or truly insane. It's a term we use rather lightly.
Let's take a look at what some of the great minds in history and of our time (some of whom were called crazy, or worse!) had to say on the topic. (*YES, this was inspired by all the Charlie Sheen hoopla. How does one watch virtually no TV, spend less than an hour online, and listen to no talk radio, and still know about the mental breakdown this random person might be having?)
*"Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
*"It's crazy, right? To love someone who's hurt you? It's crazier to think that someone who hurts you loves you." -- Jodi Picoult
*"We have psychologized like the insane, who make their insanity greater by striving to understand it." -- Charles Baudelaire
*"Science has not yet taught us if madness is or is not the sublimity of the intelligence." -- Edgar Allan Poe
*"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." -- Albert Einstein
Let's also look at a few quotes from some of those very influential minds that, you might agree, sound kinda crazy... or brilliant!
*"To destroy is always the first step in any creation." -- E. E. Cummings
*"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream." -- Edgar Allan Poe
*"Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong?" -- Jane Austen
*"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice." -- Albert Einstein
*"I think that people at the high end, people like myself, should be paying a lot more in taxes. We have it better than we've ever had it." -- Warren Buffett
*"I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat." -- Edgar Allan Poe
*"It is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so." -- William Shakespeare
I'm not saying Sheen is or isn't crazy. Neither am I saying that in my opinion he should be cast among the aforementioned greats (he shouldn't!). But, is narcissism insanity? Is fantasy? Because at the very least, he seems consumed by these. Charlie Sheen aside, may I simply suggest, keep an open mind...
*"Insanity is often the logic of an accurate mind overtaxed." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes
*"The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success." -- Bruce Feirstein
*"Perhaps a lunatic was simply a minority of one." -- George Orwell
Let's take a look at what some of the great minds in history and of our time (some of whom were called crazy, or worse!) had to say on the topic. (*YES, this was inspired by all the Charlie Sheen hoopla. How does one watch virtually no TV, spend less than an hour online, and listen to no talk radio, and still know about the mental breakdown this random person might be having?)
*"Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
*"It's crazy, right? To love someone who's hurt you? It's crazier to think that someone who hurts you loves you." -- Jodi Picoult
*"We have psychologized like the insane, who make their insanity greater by striving to understand it." -- Charles Baudelaire
*"Science has not yet taught us if madness is or is not the sublimity of the intelligence." -- Edgar Allan Poe
*"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." -- Albert Einstein
Let's also look at a few quotes from some of those very influential minds that, you might agree, sound kinda crazy... or brilliant!
*"To destroy is always the first step in any creation." -- E. E. Cummings
*"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream." -- Edgar Allan Poe
*"Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong?" -- Jane Austen
*"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice." -- Albert Einstein
*"I think that people at the high end, people like myself, should be paying a lot more in taxes. We have it better than we've ever had it." -- Warren Buffett
*"I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat." -- Edgar Allan Poe
*"It is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so." -- William Shakespeare
I'm not saying Sheen is or isn't crazy. Neither am I saying that in my opinion he should be cast among the aforementioned greats (he shouldn't!). But, is narcissism insanity? Is fantasy? Because at the very least, he seems consumed by these. Charlie Sheen aside, may I simply suggest, keep an open mind...
*"Insanity is often the logic of an accurate mind overtaxed." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes
*"The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success." -- Bruce Feirstein
*"Perhaps a lunatic was simply a minority of one." -- George Orwell
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
15-year adventure
When I met David, he was still in high school. He was young, handsome, driven, athletic and one of the most charismatic people I'd ever met... without even trying. Almost 20 years later, he is still those things... older and wiser, too.
David brought so much to my life, to my very sheltered, charmed, loving life complete with Mom, Dad, sisters and all the security one kid could ask for. He brought adventure, controversy (tattoos, motorcycles, fireworks, guns, etc.), challenge and insight to my world. He has somehow managed to love me completely while also accepting me for who I am (faults, too!) and encouraging me to be my best self. David insists I must love myself, while never really acknowledging the many ways I come up short. He pushes me with words he has lived out... overcome, persevere, push through, never give up. These are his ways, and have slowly become mine, too. David introduced me to mountain hikes, trail riding, street racing, camping, shooting ranges, among many other things. I introduced him to a life of music and the written word, reading for pleasure, communicating with openness, family traditions, among many other things.
There is a scale somewhere in our collective subconscious that has been strained and stretched, working overtime at points along our timeline to keep us balanced. We have pushed and pushed... sometimes out of necessity, other times out of good old-fashioned stubbornness and pride. But always we come back to a balance that not only works for us, but completes us.
Five years after meeting, we married and even more years later, had children. I can't explain how perfectly these two little boys balance us and all that we are and still dare to dream about becoming. They, too, are challenging, inquisitive, heavy on personality and headstrong... obviously offspring of two people who at times can barely occupy the same space and time in the universe without killing each other. And I say this in the most endearing way possible.
The truth is, David and I choose each other. Each and every day, for better or worse, for crappy or celebratory, in youth and age, with promises both broken and unrealized, we CHOOSE each other. We like each other. Terms like "best friends," "soul mates" and "the one" come to mind. These would not be inaccurate overstatements.
Even now, we face a plethora of challenges that push us beyond what we know and where we're comfortable. The beauty of all the trials and tribulations in life is summed up in these few words for me: I get to be with David!
David brought so much to my life, to my very sheltered, charmed, loving life complete with Mom, Dad, sisters and all the security one kid could ask for. He brought adventure, controversy (tattoos, motorcycles, fireworks, guns, etc.), challenge and insight to my world. He has somehow managed to love me completely while also accepting me for who I am (faults, too!) and encouraging me to be my best self. David insists I must love myself, while never really acknowledging the many ways I come up short. He pushes me with words he has lived out... overcome, persevere, push through, never give up. These are his ways, and have slowly become mine, too. David introduced me to mountain hikes, trail riding, street racing, camping, shooting ranges, among many other things. I introduced him to a life of music and the written word, reading for pleasure, communicating with openness, family traditions, among many other things.
There is a scale somewhere in our collective subconscious that has been strained and stretched, working overtime at points along our timeline to keep us balanced. We have pushed and pushed... sometimes out of necessity, other times out of good old-fashioned stubbornness and pride. But always we come back to a balance that not only works for us, but completes us.
Five years after meeting, we married and even more years later, had children. I can't explain how perfectly these two little boys balance us and all that we are and still dare to dream about becoming. They, too, are challenging, inquisitive, heavy on personality and headstrong... obviously offspring of two people who at times can barely occupy the same space and time in the universe without killing each other. And I say this in the most endearing way possible.
The truth is, David and I choose each other. Each and every day, for better or worse, for crappy or celebratory, in youth and age, with promises both broken and unrealized, we CHOOSE each other. We like each other. Terms like "best friends," "soul mates" and "the one" come to mind. These would not be inaccurate overstatements.
Even now, we face a plethora of challenges that push us beyond what we know and where we're comfortable. The beauty of all the trials and tribulations in life is summed up in these few words for me: I get to be with David!
Monday, February 14, 2011
kite flying
There is a whisper on my life's wind, letting me know that if I will align myself and wait for that breeze to take me, I will surely find myself freely flying above the world below, soaring on the air I take for granted most moments.
When we took our boys to fly kites today, there were a couple of less than peaceful moments... tangled tails, crossed lines, detached string, sporadic wind. But once the boys managed to bet on the right breeze, there was no looking back. Their Spiderman and gecko kites were magic... risen phoenixes taken to heights we didn't dare imagine. Maybe because these were old kites that had been sitting in the back of their playroom closet for years; maybe because they were party favors from some long-ago birthday party; maybe because they were inexpensive trinkets we didn't want to set our hopes upon. It's funny how easily we judge things based on where they come from... clothing, kites, people.
Yet, despite their humble beginnings, these kites were the apple of my eye for several glorious moments on this fine February afternoon... more beautiful than the magnificent blue sky behind them, more awe-inspiring than the midday moon. For even into the night, I can hear my boys' squeals of delight and triumph, and I can remember that flights are made of these -- unexpected, gorgeous moments with just the right amount of wind and just the right temperature. And even then, one must work to make the flights actually happen.
In the end, each of my sons had to pull his kite in, spooling its string gently back into place while keeping a watchful eye on the ever-descending kite and tail. Spiderman and the gecko made their way back to earth, but it was Mommy and Daddy who would later recall their notable excursions into the wild, blue yonder.
Should I ever find the words to express to my sons what their kite flying did for me this day, I hope to share with them. Because right now, I can't quite put my finger on what it is that seems so close I can almost touch it, yet far enough away that I almost fear missing that perfect breeze... that is, until the next one comes along.
When we took our boys to fly kites today, there were a couple of less than peaceful moments... tangled tails, crossed lines, detached string, sporadic wind. But once the boys managed to bet on the right breeze, there was no looking back. Their Spiderman and gecko kites were magic... risen phoenixes taken to heights we didn't dare imagine. Maybe because these were old kites that had been sitting in the back of their playroom closet for years; maybe because they were party favors from some long-ago birthday party; maybe because they were inexpensive trinkets we didn't want to set our hopes upon. It's funny how easily we judge things based on where they come from... clothing, kites, people.
Yet, despite their humble beginnings, these kites were the apple of my eye for several glorious moments on this fine February afternoon... more beautiful than the magnificent blue sky behind them, more awe-inspiring than the midday moon. For even into the night, I can hear my boys' squeals of delight and triumph, and I can remember that flights are made of these -- unexpected, gorgeous moments with just the right amount of wind and just the right temperature. And even then, one must work to make the flights actually happen.
In the end, each of my sons had to pull his kite in, spooling its string gently back into place while keeping a watchful eye on the ever-descending kite and tail. Spiderman and the gecko made their way back to earth, but it was Mommy and Daddy who would later recall their notable excursions into the wild, blue yonder.
Should I ever find the words to express to my sons what their kite flying did for me this day, I hope to share with them. Because right now, I can't quite put my finger on what it is that seems so close I can almost touch it, yet far enough away that I almost fear missing that perfect breeze... that is, until the next one comes along.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
boys must be boys
I keep wondering what's to become of this generation of boys growing up with parents like me. And I'm not even one of the most protective parents I know.
You always hear stories, in books and in movies and from all the guys you know, that involve things like swimming or playing in a nearby body of water, riding bikes for HOURS at a time, hanging out in a clubhouse or treehouse, etc. You know, the stuff of postage stamp designs!
Well, I don't try to overly baby my 8- and 6-year old boys, but I can tell you that neither them or any of their friends that I know of (and I talk to lots of mommas of boys) ride bikes all over the place or get into any number of messes while playing outside for hours having boy adventures. And I'm just wondering what this lack of opportunity for childhood shenanigans will do for my sons and their friends.
Will they one day hit an age where they (and I) are ready to spend lots of time outdoors on their bikes, finding and making their own trails? Will they ever have the chance to hang out at one of the area creeks without the nosey presence of mom and dad? How can they learn the hard and fast lessons that come from a scraped knee or a flat tire or a lost dollar when we're always a holler away and they're money is never far from the safety of home. Why do they need to keep their money handy anyway? There aren't any cool corner stores or soda shops for them to walk to and waste away their afternoons. Wally and Beaver left the scene long ago!
And even when we don't try to keep them ultra busy, they end up with full days. Music lessons, after-school practices, baseball. The things that make a childhood, right?
I plan to keep my eye out for opportunities so my sons can experience some of this freedom I hear men my age talk about. I'm worried that they might not know what to do or how to handle it when life gets messy because they will never have had the forced chance to walk home with blood dripping down their arm from a banged up elbow. I don't mind them arriving at adulthood with a few bumps and bruises if it means important lessons also were learned. But between all the family time we want to spend with them and the constant reminders of how unsafe our world is, I'm just not sure they'll have that chance any time soon.
You always hear stories, in books and in movies and from all the guys you know, that involve things like swimming or playing in a nearby body of water, riding bikes for HOURS at a time, hanging out in a clubhouse or treehouse, etc. You know, the stuff of postage stamp designs!
Well, I don't try to overly baby my 8- and 6-year old boys, but I can tell you that neither them or any of their friends that I know of (and I talk to lots of mommas of boys) ride bikes all over the place or get into any number of messes while playing outside for hours having boy adventures. And I'm just wondering what this lack of opportunity for childhood shenanigans will do for my sons and their friends.
Will they one day hit an age where they (and I) are ready to spend lots of time outdoors on their bikes, finding and making their own trails? Will they ever have the chance to hang out at one of the area creeks without the nosey presence of mom and dad? How can they learn the hard and fast lessons that come from a scraped knee or a flat tire or a lost dollar when we're always a holler away and they're money is never far from the safety of home. Why do they need to keep their money handy anyway? There aren't any cool corner stores or soda shops for them to walk to and waste away their afternoons. Wally and Beaver left the scene long ago!
And even when we don't try to keep them ultra busy, they end up with full days. Music lessons, after-school practices, baseball. The things that make a childhood, right?
I plan to keep my eye out for opportunities so my sons can experience some of this freedom I hear men my age talk about. I'm worried that they might not know what to do or how to handle it when life gets messy because they will never have had the forced chance to walk home with blood dripping down their arm from a banged up elbow. I don't mind them arriving at adulthood with a few bumps and bruises if it means important lessons also were learned. But between all the family time we want to spend with them and the constant reminders of how unsafe our world is, I'm just not sure they'll have that chance any time soon.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
if you can't laugh at yourself...
(*A couple of years ago, I wrote the following, with some input from my husband and our friend, John Pena. In Waco, Hispanics are primarily called "Mexicans," whether or not you or anyone in your immediate family is actually from Mexico. I wrote this after moving to Lakeway, although folks in some Waco suburbs could attest to these. Some are real, some are probably real, ALL of them are absolutely likely! And I still think it's a pretty funny list.)
You know you're a Mexican living in the suburbs if you can relate to any or all of these:
*You constantly take up parking on the street because all your extended relatives are sleeping over again. And you own extra cots or blow-up mattresses to accommodate.
*You're usually the only one out on the roads late because you're making a beer or Taco Bell run at 11:45 on a Tuesday night.
*You've been reported for late night music and suspicious smells coming from your backyard.
*You're on a first name basis with the yard guys.
*Everyone on the block asks you to interpret for their maids.
*At least one other relative is using your address so their kids can go to the "good" schools in town.
*You're name is Juan, Jose, Guadalupe or Maria, but people in your community call you John, Joe, Lupe or Mary.
*You bought an SUV to fit in but you just couldn't resist at least one of the following: dropping your vehicle, adding custom rims, having your last name written across the back window or placing a Virgin Mary on your dashboard.
*Your house is the only one with great food smells coming from it every night because every night you're eating beans, rice and tortillas. And you occasionally have friends over to "show off" your "authentic ethnic food" and great cooking skills .
*You've been mistaken for the custodian more than once at your child's school; you've been called "the Nanny," especially if your kids are half-gringo and they favor their Dad.
*The neighbors have asked about your kid's tuba lessons, but it's just the Mexican music coming from your living room.
*Your neighbors have tulips growing in the backyard and a yellow lab for a pet. You have two chickens running around and cactus growing to make recipes passed down from your great-grandma.
*You travel across the border for medical supplies and various medical procedures because it's so cheap, even though your insurance copay is $15.
*You skip the pilates, yoga and spin classes at the gym and instead workout in t-shirts and "wife-beaters" on the free weights to pump up your "guns" and abs.
*Your idea of recycling is using HEB bags as trash liners, refilling water bottles with tap water, and letting your pit bull play with old milk cartons.
*You walk into the local convenience store and they have no idea what you're talking about when you ask for Jarritos soda.
*The next-door neighbor walks over to ask what channel TELEMUNDO is because they want to work on their Spanish by watching the soaps ("novelas").
You know you're a Mexican living in the suburbs if you can relate to any or all of these:
*You constantly take up parking on the street because all your extended relatives are sleeping over again. And you own extra cots or blow-up mattresses to accommodate.
*You're usually the only one out on the roads late because you're making a beer or Taco Bell run at 11:45 on a Tuesday night.
*You've been reported for late night music and suspicious smells coming from your backyard.
*You're on a first name basis with the yard guys.
*Everyone on the block asks you to interpret for their maids.
*At least one other relative is using your address so their kids can go to the "good" schools in town.
*You're name is Juan, Jose, Guadalupe or Maria, but people in your community call you John, Joe, Lupe or Mary.
*You bought an SUV to fit in but you just couldn't resist at least one of the following: dropping your vehicle, adding custom rims, having your last name written across the back window or placing a Virgin Mary on your dashboard.
*Your house is the only one with great food smells coming from it every night because every night you're eating beans, rice and tortillas. And you occasionally have friends over to "show off" your "authentic ethnic food" and great cooking skills .
*You've been mistaken for the custodian more than once at your child's school; you've been called "the Nanny," especially if your kids are half-gringo and they favor their Dad.
*The neighbors have asked about your kid's tuba lessons, but it's just the Mexican music coming from your living room.
*Your neighbors have tulips growing in the backyard and a yellow lab for a pet. You have two chickens running around and cactus growing to make recipes passed down from your great-grandma.
*You travel across the border for medical supplies and various medical procedures because it's so cheap, even though your insurance copay is $15.
*You skip the pilates, yoga and spin classes at the gym and instead workout in t-shirts and "wife-beaters" on the free weights to pump up your "guns" and abs.
*Your idea of recycling is using HEB bags as trash liners, refilling water bottles with tap water, and letting your pit bull play with old milk cartons.
*You walk into the local convenience store and they have no idea what you're talking about when you ask for Jarritos soda.
*The next-door neighbor walks over to ask what channel TELEMUNDO is because they want to work on their Spanish by watching the soaps ("novelas").
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
family meeting OR should we get a puppy?
For 2011, we're trying something a little different. At the beginning of each month, we're getting together as a family to set forth some short-term goals for the upcoming month, as well as touch base on our New Year's resolutions and reflect back on the previous month's goals. This gives us a chance to evaluate our progress (and get input from others if we want), refocus on our aim, tweak our goals and look forward to new ways to improve ourselves. We have a family journal and we do this AS a family, but working the goals is an independent thing. To each his own, with ample support and encouragement from the rest of us, of course. (*Mid-month, we have a family date night where we talk about the month so far in a relaxed setting... usually over dinner out!)
Tonight we had our second meeting of the year. It was very productive and I am always impressed by the things my children want to do with their lives:
My 8-year-old, David, wants to work on a new invention; Dylan, my 6-year-old, wants to play outside everyday when it isn't too cold. These are just a few of their goals. David also has a goal for growing in height, while Dylan established he wants to make perfect scores on his spelling tests for the rest of the year. WOW!
Dad plans to create and implement four new trading programs at work, while Mom (that's me!) intends to make a final decision about adding a puppy to our brood. I know it will be work, and that most of the work will fall squarely on my shoulders. But something in me believes my boys should experience having a dog. I also believe that if my parents and David's parents could do it, so can we! There is so much to give and gain from being a pet owner; I don't want to rob my children of these opportunities and lessons.
Speaking of my decision, I spent one night last week researching names. You'd think I was having a baby! But I've always been interested in name meanings. While researching, I was reminded and struck by the fact that an aspect of each of our names (either our first or middle) has to do with the ocean and with a quality that comes straight from God: love, mercy, light, grace. To this end, our puppy (IF WE GET ONE!) would need to follow suit.
If we get one, I'll be sure to share our news and write about his or her name. Meanwhile, I'll continue working on my other goals: health and well-being, as well as a commitment to my writing and reading.
When you find yourself evaluating your life among the people you love most in this world, especially those little ones, you want to face them with a good report to share. With every month that comes, I want to have made progress and be a good example to my family.
Tonight we had our second meeting of the year. It was very productive and I am always impressed by the things my children want to do with their lives:
My 8-year-old, David, wants to work on a new invention; Dylan, my 6-year-old, wants to play outside everyday when it isn't too cold. These are just a few of their goals. David also has a goal for growing in height, while Dylan established he wants to make perfect scores on his spelling tests for the rest of the year. WOW!
Dad plans to create and implement four new trading programs at work, while Mom (that's me!) intends to make a final decision about adding a puppy to our brood. I know it will be work, and that most of the work will fall squarely on my shoulders. But something in me believes my boys should experience having a dog. I also believe that if my parents and David's parents could do it, so can we! There is so much to give and gain from being a pet owner; I don't want to rob my children of these opportunities and lessons.
Speaking of my decision, I spent one night last week researching names. You'd think I was having a baby! But I've always been interested in name meanings. While researching, I was reminded and struck by the fact that an aspect of each of our names (either our first or middle) has to do with the ocean and with a quality that comes straight from God: love, mercy, light, grace. To this end, our puppy (IF WE GET ONE!) would need to follow suit.
If we get one, I'll be sure to share our news and write about his or her name. Meanwhile, I'll continue working on my other goals: health and well-being, as well as a commitment to my writing and reading.
When you find yourself evaluating your life among the people you love most in this world, especially those little ones, you want to face them with a good report to share. With every month that comes, I want to have made progress and be a good example to my family.
Monday, January 31, 2011
welcome (back)
Sometime between April and August of last year, I lost my way.
Well, kind of.
In all honesty, I knowingly took my turns and chose my paths, despite how selfish and hedonistic they were.
And then sometime in October, after a couple of unfortunate events (yes, of my own making), something in me snapped. Snapped back into place, that is.
I was always the good girl, the rules-follower, the "good head on her shoulders" kind of student and daughter. But once I had this life-change last fall, though I can't quite get into what all that involved, I have felt more than ever before as though I am being my most true self. And looking back over this past summer of yet another round of discontent (for I had one more than 20 years ago in 1990), I know that I am here today because of where I was yesterday.
It hurt, it was uncomfortable, it was sad. I very well could have lost all that is good in my life. But love and mercy and grace have prevailed.
Today, I am different. Not only because I'll turn 40 this calendar year, but because of the mistakes I've made and the hard lessons I learned during those months.
I hope if you have any interest whatsoever in human connection, you will join me here any time you have the chance. Share yourself by way of your input and insight. I welcome you to my little place online, where I can exercise who I am and do what I love to do, which is write.
Well, kind of.
In all honesty, I knowingly took my turns and chose my paths, despite how selfish and hedonistic they were.
And then sometime in October, after a couple of unfortunate events (yes, of my own making), something in me snapped. Snapped back into place, that is.
I was always the good girl, the rules-follower, the "good head on her shoulders" kind of student and daughter. But once I had this life-change last fall, though I can't quite get into what all that involved, I have felt more than ever before as though I am being my most true self. And looking back over this past summer of yet another round of discontent (for I had one more than 20 years ago in 1990), I know that I am here today because of where I was yesterday.
It hurt, it was uncomfortable, it was sad. I very well could have lost all that is good in my life. But love and mercy and grace have prevailed.
Today, I am different. Not only because I'll turn 40 this calendar year, but because of the mistakes I've made and the hard lessons I learned during those months.
I hope if you have any interest whatsoever in human connection, you will join me here any time you have the chance. Share yourself by way of your input and insight. I welcome you to my little place online, where I can exercise who I am and do what I love to do, which is write.
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