if you can't laugh at yourself...

(*A couple of years ago, I wrote the following, with some input from my husband and our friend, John Pena. In Waco, Hispanics are primarily called "Mexicans," whether or not you or anyone in your immediate family is actually from Mexico. I wrote this after moving to Lakeway, although folks in some Waco suburbs could attest to these. Some are real, some are probably real, ALL of them are absolutely likely! And I still think it's a pretty funny list.)

You know you're a Mexican living in the suburbs if you can relate to any or all of these:

*You constantly take up parking on the street because all your extended relatives are sleeping over again. And you own extra cots or blow-up mattresses to accommodate.

*You're usually the only one out on the roads late because you're making a beer or Taco Bell run at 11:45 on a Tuesday night.

*You've been reported for late night music and suspicious smells coming from your backyard.

*You're on a first name basis with the yard guys.

*Everyone on the block asks you to interpret for their maids.

*At least one other relative is using your address so their kids can go to the "good" schools in town.

*You're name is Juan, Jose, Guadalupe or Maria, but people in your community call you John, Joe, Lupe or Mary.

*You bought an SUV to fit in but you just couldn't resist at least one of the following: dropping your vehicle, adding custom rims, having your last name written across the back window or placing a Virgin Mary on your dashboard.

*Your house is the only one with great food smells coming from it every night because every night you're eating beans, rice and tortillas. And you occasionally have friends over to "show off" your "authentic ethnic food" and great cooking skills .

*You've been mistaken for the custodian more than once at your child's school; you've been called "the Nanny," especially if your kids are half-gringo and they favor their Dad.

*The neighbors have asked about your kid's tuba lessons, but it's just the Mexican music coming from your living room.

*Your neighbors have tulips growing in the backyard and a yellow lab for a pet. You have two chickens running around and cactus growing to make recipes passed down from your great-grandma.

*You travel across the border for medical supplies and various medical procedures because it's so cheap, even though your insurance copay is $15.

*You skip the pilates, yoga and spin classes at the gym and instead workout in t-shirts and "wife-beaters" on the free weights to pump up your "guns" and abs.

*Your idea of recycling is using HEB bags as trash liners, refilling water bottles with tap water, and letting your pit bull play with old milk cartons.

*You walk into the local convenience store and they have no idea what you're talking about when you ask for Jarritos soda.

*The next-door neighbor walks over to ask what channel TELEMUNDO is because they want to work on their Spanish by watching the soaps ("novelas").